I don’t know if I have depression because I’m too scared to ask my parents if I can see a professional and I’m dealing with it if I do have, but sometimes I feel like I want depression. When my possible depression spikes (is that the word?), I want nothing but for it to end, but when it isn’t acting up, I feel like I want it to happen. I think it might be because sometimes I feel uncaring and emotionless and the sadness reminds me I have emotions, but the possible depression could be the cause in the first place.
I have been in a wonderful relationship with my boyfriend for 4 years, but recently I found out that I’m also very attracted to girls. I’m beginning to believe I’m not just heterosexual.
My life dream came true eight months ago, when I started studying Psychology at university. I moved to a new city, leaving my family and my friends behind, but my roommates made me feel like home very soon. I kinda fell in love with one of them. He is a huge pot smoker, and I quickly became one as well. I started skipping my classes and staying up all night with him, watching movies and smoking weed. I broke up with my boyfriend and I had a fight with my best friend when he needed me the most. I failed all my exams, although I used to be an A+ student. My classmates turned their back on me and I felt completely alone at the faculty. I tried my best since then, but I’ve lost all my self confidence. Finals are starting in one week and I’m sure I’m gonna fail again, and I will be a disappointment to my parents and my friends. I’m ruining my life and my dream. I’m lost and scared, and I feel like there’s nothing I can do about it.
I miss my ex but all we had was a physical relationship. Now, all I want is for someone to stroke my hair as we watch movies. I want something real, but I’m not sure he wants to be that for me. The thing is, I don’t think I want anyone but him. I love him. I think I do, but I don’t think he loves me. Why is this so hard?
The fact that my partner watches porn makes me very self conscious and it makes me feel very unworthy and unsexy. I feel guilty because almost everyone watches it and who am I to say he can’t? We’ve talked about it and nothing he says makes me feel any better. When I know he’s watching it, or has watched it, I feel very sad and lonely. I know it’s only physical and he loves me and thinks i’m beautiful but he doesn’t seem to be seeing how much it’s affecting my confidence and body image. Especially since I found out he looks at specific porn stars. I can’t stop comparing myself to them. Is it impossible to masturbate without watching pornhub?
I wish that there was an alternate universe where porn didn’t matter and It was acceptable for me to say to him that I wish he’d stop watching it because its making me feel really very sad and horrible. I feel like such a bitch for just thinking about asking him to stop and I don’t think I ever could. But I feel as though he cares more about watching porn than how it’s been making me feel.
I’m sorry, I have to vent. I have a history test tomorrow - well, technically today, it’s 3AM here - and I haven’t even opened a textbook. It’s the only class that I don’t give half a fuck about, I’m barely passing it anyway, I’d be failing if it wasn’t for some group project. I don’t like or understand this crap. Why should I care about a bunch of fuckwads and their wars if I can use that time and energy to learn biology - something that I will actually benefit from in the future?
I’m the biggest hypocrite in the world.. Me and my boyfriend are on a weird sort of break where were trying to be friends but were still fooling around.. I told my boyfriend I was going to meet with this guy to talk about getting a job, but really I went to his house and had a threesome with him and one other guy… That night I went to back my boyfriends and denied everything. I feel so horrible.. but part of me wants to do it again… am i a devil or am i just human..
Two years ago, when I was 16, my best friend gave oral to the boyfriend of my other best friend, and then blackmailed me into keeping quiet about it. I felt so guilty, and slowly but surely over a few months pretty much everyone in my friendship group knew what had happened, but nobody had told the girl whose boyfriend had cheated on her - they were still together. I felt so guilty and told my friends that I had to tell her, because I couldn’t look her in the eye anymore. They started bullying me, taking photos of my face and photoshopping them, prank calling me, hacking my social media accounts - and eventually I realised that we weren’t friends anymore. I’ve been bitter about it for a long, long time and although the girl eventually found out after they’d broken up, I still feel so guilty. I lost my best friend of 12 years because she had a fling with our friend’s boyfriend, and it makes me so sad still.
I was sexually assaulted today, not full rape or anything, and i couldn’t stop it. all i could do was freeze and hope for it to end. i couldn’t even say now. i told my boyfriend and now we’re fighting because he wants me to report it but i can’t. what good would it do? I just want it to go away. he says he might leave me because i won’t report it. i feel really hollow.
I am in a relationship with someone, but lately, I have been falling harder and harder for someone else who shares mutual feelings. We have been talking, sometimes not exactly SFW, and really can’t wait to meet each other in a few months. I know what I’m doing is wrong, but I’m not sure if the person I’m with now could handle me leaving them or handle life on their own; I have been supporting us the last year. But this new person makes me happy… and I don’t know what to do. It’s killing me.