Tumblr Confessions

Reading through the confessions, I am truly saddened by the amount of you that are struggling with a number of different issues in your lives.

I know that it is very hard to look forward when you are in the deepest, darkest grips of problems or issues or depression but please BELIEVE me when I say you WILL GET THROUGH THIS.

You are worth everything.
You are important.
You are loved.
Your life is the MOST valuable thing.
Please do not put it in jeopardy.

If you are currently struggling, please click on the 'Here to Help' tab below. I have added a number of helplines and websites.

Please do not hurt yourself or others.

sometimes i stay in bed so long on the computer that i worry i’ll get bed sores.

My older brother has an Asperger Syndrome. The things he sometimes tell me hurt me more than he thinks. About six years ago, when I was 11 years old, he told me he considered commiting suicide. On top of everything else, he basically blamed me… It would be too long and difficult to explain it in depth. Recently I told him that it affected me a lot (I didn’t even tell him how much, I just told him it made me feel really bad). He was  surprised, saying he didn’t think it would hurt me because he thought I was too young to be affected by it.

He believes strange things. He believes that he is some sort of god and that one day, he will lead the world to Utopia. According to him, this belief gives meaning to his life. I worry how he will react if he one day realizes it’s not true… I tried explaining it to him and to get him to stop believing it but the way he acts, it seems like the knowledge it’s not true would kill him…

He thinks he is better than me and sometimes he can really scare me. When he wants me to do something important for him and I refuse, he keeps annoying me until I back down. Sometimes when I do something he doesn’t want me to do, he acts intimidating, hissing at me with bared teeth. He never physically attacks me or anything but there were a few moments (such as when we were talking, he got really pissed off and tried to rip a curtain off a window) when I actually thought he would kill me. I was so scared by his action and didn’t know what to do. All I could do was start crying and beg him to calm down.

He tells me he is almost never happy. He keeps worrying that the more our parents will know about him, the more they will hurt him. Our parents are very sweet and loving, but sometimes he acts as though he can’t see it. Sometimes I feel like he has some sort of conspiracy theory our parents are planning to bring him down… He thinks he needs to have the upper hand in our household. He says it’s for the best because my parents and I are too weak to be leaders.

When my mom found out my brother has Asperger Syndrome, she became depressed. She had to start taking anti-depressants. I feel like she hasn’t been truly happy since…

Sometimes I think my brother would be better off dead… Sometimes I think my family, too, would be better off if he had never been born… I love him dearly but at the same time I can’t help feeling he won’t be able to survive in this world. Sometimes I feel like he’s driving me crazy…

I was numb a year ago, after I was sexually abused.
The anniversary of the day it all ended is this Saturday.
I just want to be numb again.
I’m sick of this world.
I have a loving boyfriend, and family.
Why do I feel this way?
I hate feeling.
I just want to be numb.
Empty.

I don’t even know anymore.

I feel like.. I’m just at the point where it’s hard for me to move on from you. Honestly.. I just want someone else better than you to come into my life, to love me and actually have mutual feelings with me. I think that maybe… If I just met someone that would treat me better than you ever did to me, I think would be able to move on - to forget about you. But… It just SEEMS so impossible, considering you were literally the sweetest guy. EVER.

Bad Ideas

While doing my 2013 taxes, I realized that I spend the equivalent of two months’ rent on Chaturbate last year. I can’t afford that — not even close. My girlfriend would leave me if she knew I had wasted that much money. And I’d be lost without her.

But the worst part is how much I hate myself for doing it. I know better.

I cheated on my boyfriend with a guy I met at a Capital Cities concert. I kissed him, and I didn’t even know his name when I did. He’s six years older than me, and I’m so confused because in the days that we’ve been talking I feel more for him than I’ve felt for my boyfriend in the past two months. It almost makes me happy to know I’m screwing up all the things I worked so hard to get back in order.

i’m a 15 year old girl and i literally cannot stop watching gay porn

I’ve never had a boyfriend… I’ve never been kissed - I’m a 29 year old virgin. I don’t feel that I’m missing out… but sometimes I do want a man to just hold me, caress me, and go all out.

Would a man willingly date me knowing the above? Not knowing that answer makes me even more socially awkward around me, continuing my vicious cycle.

I am in relationships with three girls who are cheating on their boyfriends to be with me who don’t know I’m cheating on them

When somebody tells me they’re bisexual, pansexual, any orientation with an affinity for multiple genders, I immediately have more respect for them and I’m more inclined to be friendly with them.  It’s not because I want to get with them or anything, I just have this weird good feeling about them.  And pretty much every one I’ve met has had no reason to prove me wrong.