Tumblr Confessions

I am bi-sexual and no one knows. not my friends, family, or anyone else. no one. I haven’t told anyone before, and I don’t think I ever will. I don’t plan to because the very idea is as scary as I don’t know what.

I have an addiction. I can’t stop stealing bikes. I just steal them all the time. And I get away with it too. There’s no more room in my garage for anymore bikes. I don’t know what to do.

Sometimes, when I’m listening to a song, I imagine peoples reactions and emotions as if they were listening to it at my funeral.

We got her tickets to warped to for her birthday, and it’s over a month to her birthday- and I can’t tell her, I tell her everything, it’s only been a week and I’m going crazy.

Sometimes I catch myself carrying out conversations with an imaginary Conan O’Brien, as if I am on the talk show. As in, all the time.

I love ben tewkesbury

I’m going to cheat on my boyfriend. With a woman. Who’s married.

My past has convinced me that I’ll never find anyone. I’ve never had any sort of romantic relationship; every time it’s just been a crush gone wrong. I’ve just gotten through crushing on someone, and as much as I enjoy being unattached and being able to focus on myself, I can’t help but want someone, but I’m afraid to even think in that mindset for fear of falling into the same stupid cycle again. 

I have a roommate that is a slob and doesn’t clean up after herself when she cooks.  It drives me nuts and I wanna kick her out of the house, but we need the extra income to keep the apartment…

I feel alone constantly, sometimes I think I go for days without having a real conversation with anyone and it’s all my fault because I’m so afraid 

I am terrified everyone I am close to can’t wait for me to stop talking to them because I’m really just an obnoxious waste of space

I may hate myself, but I don’t want to kill myself. I just wish I could forget the moment I realized that everyone I cared for hated me too.

I cut myself, but it never bleeds. Last night i cut myself and it bled for the first time. I felt kind of proud. I feel like a freak now.

i have always said that being gay is fine, it’s normal like i don’t care. I have lots of friends who are gay but when i realized that i’m bisexual and that i can get turned on by girls to i cried myself to sleep and started cutting again because all i was thinking is “I just wanna be normal”.

I remember when I got you that perfume you wanted. You had told me about it a week or two before and you thought that it was the best fragrance you had ever come across. “Kissing in Paris” it was called. When I gave it to you, you weren’t so stoked like I had imagined you’d be. There I was, taking the little details no one pays attention to, and bringing them to the light. You wore it every day after that but my heart was worn. In my heart, I knew you’d never love me, even after the effort I’d put forth. I had catered to you. hand and foot. Do you remember our two year anniversary? It flashes before my eyes every time I see you. It makes my heart ache with remembrance. The carriage ride, the boat ride, the dinner. It was ever so perfect and you had dared to feel embarrassed by my romance. You sure knew how to ruin a day with your indifference. You were ashamed that I wasn’t a guy, that I didn’t have the appeal that would have made the entire day, otherwise, perfect. After that day, my heart grew cold and I carried a rotten heart. My bitterness overwhelmed me when I left you. I couldn’t bear the sight of you. You ruined me. Now I spend my days wreaking havoc to those who dare love me. The smell of your Parisian love lingers in my apartment and we are estranged. But yet you profess you still love me? The word that I don’t believe is “still”. When did you ever love me? I don’t want your love. I don’t want you to miss me. That’s the least thing I want. I want you to hate me. Because I’ll know I did something right. I hope that as you grow older, you grow to resent me because in your hate, I’ll then believe your love. The whiskey must hurt a lot more when you come home to an empty apartment. The morning after must resound in your thoughts because you won’t feel guilt or despair. You won’t feel a soul and that moment precisely, is when you’ll realize what you lost. I’ll grow older, pour salt on my own wounds. I’ll find a new woman to love, someone nothing like you, but someone who is everything you aspire to be. Because I know the truth is in everything you are not. 

Sincerely,

    ♥

I convince myself that I’m over you, that I don’t love you anymore, that after 3 years I have moved on. But I haven’t, I saw you tonight in a bar and my heart sank, I still love you, that should be me sitting with you. I would give anything to be with you again, if you would just give me the chance, but I wouldn’t even know how to ask. I love you Jen.

As an asexual, I’ve never been told that my orientation was wrong… I’ve been told that it doesn’t even exist. 

He says he loved me and cried over me.. But now he’s ignoring me because he hates me and wants nothing to do with me. It makes me hate myself..

I ride dirtbikes. FMX is basically my life.. But all the other riders are guys and none of them accept me or take me seriously. It makes me want to just give up sometimes…

Sometimes I wonder how everyone would react if I died and how/if it would affect HIM. x_x